She Said $^&%*#! to kids?

Bad Words
&%$_#@*
to Kids?

Question from a sister:

My friend is a Muslim for the last 15 years. Her problem is, she can't stop saying really bad w@r{)$ to her children, REALLY B^D W@R)$
What can she do? Does Islam have an answer?

Answer:
Thank you for your letter and for taking time to help your friend and her condition. Occassionally saying a bad word or expression is normal for almost anyone. Once in a while we could all slip.

However, cursing and using bad language constantly and not being able to stop is not normal and it is not acceptable in Islam.

Please talk to her about this condition and ask her to talk with counselor or someone of knowledge, a professional person that she trusts and will take their advise.

The hadeeth of the prophet, peace be upon him, says, "Let the one who believes in Allah and the Last Day either say good things, or keep silent." -

It appears from the letter you sent, she might need councelling and hopefully some professional guidance will help her to overcome this horrible condition. You are most correct in saying we do need to pray for her and ask Allah to take away this bad habit. It is most destructive to the children and to her relationship with them and her husband.

Sometimes these things start up from incidents in their past and they can't stop once they get started. Other times it could be strong influence from the jinn. For sure the shayton are happy with this condition as it does lead to future problems both for her and her family.

Here are a few things you can tell her right away, inshallah:

Check out surah Al Rad (13:28):
"Those who believe (in the Oneness of Allah - Tawheed), and whose hearts find rest in teh remembrance of Allah, Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest."

Spending more time reading Quran, making thikr to Allah and making salat and fasting throughout the year could be quite helpful to this condition and is certainly something that would draw her closer to Allah and make a way for Allah to help her. Giving charity to the poor and needy is definitely good advise for her and for her husband.

Some helpful hints to offset the influence of the shayton (devil), for all of us to use everyday:

• Be sure to pray the fardh salat on time (very important)
  
• Make thikr after every salat (33 times - Subhannah Allah, 33 times - Al Hamdulilah, 33 times - Allahu Akbar and then say, "Laa elaha illalahu wah-dala shareeka llahu, lakul mulku, wallahu hamdu, yuhi wa yumitu, wa huwa ala kuli shayin Qadir."
• 
  
• Read ayatul kursi in the morning after Fajr and in the evening after Maghrib and after every salat. Also read it out loud anytime you feel like saying something that is not good.
• Read out loud the last three surahs of the Quran:
  "Al Ikhlaas; Al Falaq; An Naas" - Three times after Fajr and Three times after Maghrib and once after each salat.
• Say, "Laa elaha illa lah" as much as you can during the day and night to keep the tongue busy with the kalimah.
• "Laa howla wala kuwata illa billah." (say this often)
• Read the last 3 ayat of surah Al Baqarah in the mornings and after the sundown
• Also from surah Baqarah, "Rabbana a' teena fid-duynah hasanat wa fil akhirat hasanat, wa qeenah aDaban nar."
• Fasting on Mondays and Thursdays (or every other day) can be very helpful, inshallah.

Remember to have her seek some professional advise and do so quickly. This is something very bad for the children.

Also, be sure to keep her story secret and do not share it with anyone as this will only increase the problem for her and for those whom you share it with. Tell her to do the same thing out of respect for herself and for her family.