Treatment of Women

Islam's Treatment of Women

Can You Beat It?

Let's remember the Nikah (marriage contract for Muslims)

Do we recall the duties of the Husband?

How about the "Khutbah" (recitation by the imam) when you were getting married?
Or were you so excited you just said it without really reflecting on it? You know, when you repeated something like, "Nakahtuhaa Wa Qabiltuhaa Wa Tazawwajtuhaa", right?

Well, now is a real good time to think about it - in fact if you don't do it now, tomorrow may be too late…

Read..

Let's take a look at this marriage contract you were so quick to sign - you know, the "Nikah".

OK, most likely the imam recited 3 ayahs from Quran, right?

Sura An-Nisaa' (chapter 4, verse1):

O mankind, (at-Taqa Rabbakum) fear your guardian Lord, Who created you from a single soul, and from him, his mate and from these two he created and scattered about many men and women..

And then in Surah Ali Imran, (chapter 3, verse 102):

O you who believe, (at-Taqa Allah) fear Allah (guard against Allah's anger), as it is Allah's right you fear Him, and do not die, except in a state of Islam (as Muslim).

Also, surah Al Ahzaab (chapter 33, verse 70):

O you who believe, (at-Taqa Allah) fear Allah (guard against Allah's anger), and always speak the truth.

TAQWA

The key word in these verses is "taqawa" (guard against Allah's Anger on the Day of Judgment). This is often mistranslated as "pious" or "righteous" or "God conscious". But the fact is, there is no equivalent in the English language for "taqwa". This word should instill real fear in the hearts of the Arabs who are believers, due to the very clear meaning and implication that goes along with it -- Punishment, of the most serious kind.

Throughout the Quran and hadeeth of the prophet, peace be upon him, we find this term used again and again. There can be no mistake, this is the reminder issued to us by our Creator and Sustain, that whoever is heedless or disobedient and does not repent of it before their death - they will be facing a very severe punishment.

Now, it was with this word "taqwa" of Allah being recited to you, and under the All-Watchful Sight of Allah, that you agreed to take on the responsibility of defender, provider, caregiver, friend and husband to your wife and to treat her with the respect and dignity due to a queen for your home.

You agreed. You committed to a very serious agreement, in front of Almighty Allah. True or not?

So, is there no one watching the way you act around your house these days? Does anyone see what you are doing? Isn't Allah Watching every single thing you do and Hearing every single word out of your mouth? Isn't Allah witness to the manner you are conducting yourself, brother?

Did you forget?

How would you feel if someone treated your sister, or daughter the way you treat your wife? You would like it, of course - because, obviously you are treating your wife with the best of treatment (right?)

Or are you really?

Consider this - a man marries your sister or daughter, takes her away from her family, friends, home life and everything she grew up around, maybe even took her far away, off to some other place or country. At first he looked like a real good man, someone you could trust with your sister or daughter, someone who would really work hard to make her happy and help her through this life on her road to Paradise. You probably liked him, of course you did. He said nice things to you, seemed pretty generous, smiled a lot and even took special care of his prayers on time in the mosque. Yeah, you thought he was a pretty good man for her.

But really happened as time began to pass by?

Did he continue as you thought he would? Or is your sister writing or calling home a lot lately, crying to mom or she just seems to be so sad for some reason? When she comes over, she is not the happy person she used to be. She looks really tired and worn out. She is gaining a lot of weight too.. and what's that mark on her face? She said it was just a bump on the head from getting in the car.. but didn't she say that last time about the bruise on her arm?

She gave up her home, her friends, close relatives, her mom and her life style - to share her life in this world and in the Next World - for you. Did her father hand her over to be a target of verbal abuse, shouting and degrading her? Did her mom pack her off with you to be your punching bag when you feel like hitting something?

Is Allah going to ask you about this?

Our prophet, peace be upon him, told us about the treatment of Allah's creatures, even animals - "At-Taqallah (fear Allah's punishment) in the way you treat these animals who cannot speak". He, peace be upon him, ordered the best treatment to animals, even forbidding anyone to beat their animals.

And what about the prostitute who was totally forgiven by Allah Subhannah wa Ta'ala, just for going down into the water well to fetch water for a dying dog?

Or the woman who went to Hell for starving her poor cat to death, even though the woman prayed and fasted?

So much concern about dumb animals, and what about humans? What about the one you were ordered to care for, love and protect?

What will happen to the one who mistreats his family? Or beats his wife?

Islam gives us the most clear teachings for the happy marriage, right here in this life - Allah Ta'ala says, "And from amongst His Signs, is that He Created for you from amongst yourselves, mates, that you might live in tranquility with them, and He Created love and mercy between you. Certainly, in this are signs for those who reflect." (surah Rum, chapter 30, verse 21).

Brother, you and I want to be forgiven by Allah, we need it. But if we don't forgive and we don't have mercy - then how can we hope for Allah's Mercy and Forgiveness?

Love and mercy should also have a companion named 'forgiveness', and this is the beautiful combination for bonding between a man and a woman together in marriage.

A man once asked prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, "O messenger of Allah, what can I do that will make Allah love me and make the people love me?" The prophet, peace be upon him, replied, "Give up the material life (ad-dunyah) and Allah will love you, give up what people owe you and the people will love you."

This teaching is clarified by scholars of Islam to mean giving up the greed and passion for the material ways of life and Allah will love you for it, and of course you will have more time for Allah. At the same time, when you stop demanding everything from people that you consider to be your rights, then the people will love you too.

And what about the people who work for us?

Even servants and workers have rights in Islam, right? Think about the one who asked, "O messenger of Allah, how many times should I forgive my servants wrong doings or mistakes?" Our prophet, peace be upon him, answered him, "Forgive them seventy times a day."

And keep in mind, this is for a servant.

Who does not have any faults? We all do. The trick to having a good relationship with others is to look away from people's faults and shortcomings. We know that, don't we?

We are nice to our friends and companions. We overlook our customers shortcomings. We try to charm our guests and even strangers will think we are so nice to them.

Islam teaches to be gracious to our guests and to take care of our neighbors - right? Look how nice we are to our buddies and cheerful with your friends. But where is this kindness for the one who really should be treated with courtesy, charm and consideration - the mother of your children -- Your wife?

What would our beloved prophet, peace be upon him, say about the treatment going on in our Muslim homes today?

Who has the best wife? The best marriage?

Our prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, said, "The most complete believer in faith is the best in character. The best of you are the best to your wives." (Mishkat)

We all have mistakes. The problem is, when we try to find mistakes in others to cover up our own mistakes. Our wives are the ones closet to us and that is why we try to find their faults, to look away from our own faults and mistakes.

But our prophet, peace be upon him, advised us to find pleasure in the good and overlook the bad.

Have we ever thought about our own faults and how the little wife is overlooking these every single day? Sometimes our faults could really be hard to put up with, yet she does it, right? You know, the things you do around her, that you would never do around your mom, your friends or strangers. Maybe you thought she doesn't notice, or doesn't really mind. But maybe she does not want to hurt your feelings, or make you feel bad.

Let's take another look at that marriage contract…

Oh yeah, and let's remember the saying, "How you treat your parents, Allah gives you children to treat you the same way".

How does that extend over to the way you treat your wife? - Think about it… The treatment you give her in this life, could be the way you get treated in the Next Life.

Here's to the best for you and your wife - congratulations on a new look at your wife and your marriage together. Mabruk.

-- Yusuf Estes says, "May we forgive each other and may Allah forgive us all, ameen."

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